I doubt myself too often.

But I won't anymore.

I will get back on my feet, and keep climbing.

Because there are better things to do and accomplish than constantly doubting myself.

It's far too tiresome to have self-doubts and unanswered questions running through my head all the time.

So.

No more of that.

And no more of looking at what other people have done, and I haven't.

It's also tiring to make comparisons. The world is too varied for that.

It would only mean I don't have enough confidence to accept that other people can always do better than me.

If I were really to be confident, I will know that anytime from now, I can learn to become even better than this.

I can learn to become even better than I have become.

I will always learn to become even better and better.

I'm discouraged today.

It looks like it would have been better for me to have worked under fierce and unreasonable people, than to have worked under someone who was always MIA.

Through almost sinking, one learns how to swim.

But I've still been learning.

I'm still good at my job.

I just need more time. As I've been told. And it's not that I disagree.

But I swear it's weird to now understand that it is a good thing to work under unreasonable people.

Not like I had a choice. It's just pure luck.

What a messed up line of work this is.

But it's also not that I should become like one of these barking, fierce, unreasonable people.

I have been told that there is the part I should not pick up from them.

So, what then?

I swear that I will make my way. I don't care how 'successful' I become.

But the thing is. I'm going to make it count.

I'm going to be a strong director. One to be respected. Not one to be haggled with, nor taken as some psycho.