Sam AGAIN!

Haha gosh, I'm sleepy. Slacking in bed before turning in! ESSAYS ALL DONE. :) Editing tomorrow. Editing is tiring. But itz cool. Can't wait to release my film. Doesn't that just sound so cool. Release my film. :D

Spiderman's soundtrack a lot more juvenile than I remember. Haha. Guess my liking it last time means I was juvenile! Was. Am. .... Still love the movies.

Isn't it about time for me to go back home now. =/

UH HUH! :) Aiyoooo, Bo Liao.

From the TV Show's webpage.

I really do have to get back to my essay, don't I.

It's the last leg of it.

And I still can't get back to it.

Sian!

But after that, Woaaaaaaaah.

What a lot of leisurely things I could do.

I can't do this.

But, I need to.

Writing mode, please come back.

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"for Meursault he doesn't play his game among men, and later on realizes that he was kind of playing the game against the world by refusing to react to the world, but actually he should have just -really- played his game against the world by playing along with it, and played the (lower-level) game with men as well"

Can you imagine the editing that comes before the submission of the assignment?

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‎"He doesn't complain, and he doesn't realize that he doesn't complain. The Outsider is about a man who jeopardizes himself when he doesn't bother to complain and on the other hand, Jane Eyre is a complain queen."

"In another novel by Camus, The Stranger, this man is placed in jail after a murder for which he does not have any real motive. His guilt is obvious, as well as the fact that he is not ignorant to the implications of his crime. He is a character devoid of real emotion, as expressed by the lack of grief shown at his own mother's funeral. Society, in his opinion, provides no meaning for life. A person removed from society can find more meaning in life than one submerged in it, even though the eventual fate of this man is an execution that will be the end of that life. Society gives the illusion of many things that prove false when examined in a place untainted by outside influences. It is necessary to live in the society, but not to be deceived by it. Even Russell understands that "the common life means dwelling in a web of relationships, the many threads tugging you while holding you upright". Each "thread" is not necessarily a threat to your survival, yet also does not protect you entirely. It is in realizing this fact that an individual can learn to balance isolation and interaction with society."

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/823843/isolation_from_society_pg2.html?cat=38

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Absurdism!

INDEED!

Tired of essay research... -.-zZzzZ

"I told my Soul to sing--

She said her Strings were snapt--

Her bow--to Atoms blown--

And so to mend her--gave me work--

Until another Morn--"

- Emily Dickinson

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I wanna go home! Still got a month to go.

A week more of Uni work!

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Anger.

Anger is Sexy.

Yeah, sometimes it can be!

Grrrroooowwl. Can I have a puppy?

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Another vid got me hooked on a song! So cute.

GAWD, I HATE THIS.

I HATE THIS VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH.

Still being influenced by Supernatural. Hate-spewing speeches. *teeth gnashing*

It's all cool.

---

Hey, is my obsession really random of me? I have been obsessed by boybands before, so I guess not eh.

And because this is not the time for Grey's or House, and anyway I just have half of the latest season of Grey's, and not sure where I'm up to with House now. Got S6 burnt to CD. But I won't watch them both because I'll rather watch Supernatural since I've dl-ed it as a complete season. Whoo yeah.

I really feel like going more the cool chick route than the dainty one look. Hah.

Blah. But then I'm just a girl, not yet a woman. -_-

And I actually get influenced to act more like the male characters than the female ones, since the male ones are the leads. -_-

Ghost busting never looked this good.

I was referring to my last essay in the beginning.

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"The last pages of a book are often found in the first."

"The Outsider is not an explanatory book. The absurd man does not explain; he describes. Nor is it a book which proves anything."

"The fact that certain great novelists have chosen to write in terms of images rather than of arguments reveals a great deal about a certain kind of thinking common to them all, a conviction of the futility of all explanatory principles, and of the instructive message of sensory impressions."

I want to say something just for a dramatic effect here - As I get older, the world seems more and more like a lie.

Hee.

>.<"

---

Well, the truth is. I know my family and my few friends are never going to be the ones lying to me.

The world only seems like a lie sometimes because there are a lot of people who are living a lie.

Sometimes, when I just stop trying so hard to 'live', when I just internalize/externalize my boredom without going too crazy, when I know that boredom will just pass over but hopefully along the way I'm still accumulating something constructive and good in my life - I know I'm not one of the people who are living a lie. People are tiresome when they make it so obvious that they're just "living a lie".

I don't wanna have to pretend to live; I just want to live. Even if pretending to live gives the appearance of a more exciting life.

I don't wanna have to pretend to live. I'M JUST ALIVE. I just am.

>.<;;

I don't wanna do all the usual things from day-to-day. Sure, I don't mind them. All the usual activities. But ask me. Ask me what I think of life. And I could tell you some. And I could show you some. And they'll be things which have the likes of nothing you've ever seen before.

Lol.

Crapatular. Gotta go.

"Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth."

- Pablo Picasso

I'm sad. Facebook sickens me quite now.

Lol.

So I'll just leave it at that: Right now once again, Facebook is boring. Because I'm quite boring now too. Well, not exactly. My mind is very active. Actively doing essays and project.

But anyway yah. Boring.

I'm practically watching Supernatural everyday. 1-2 episodes a day.

That happens a lot with me too. Stick with one show while I'm slogging it out with essays.

WAH. These assignments need to be over soon lah.

Move on, Move on!

---

Btw, THE KILLERS are such an AWESOME BAND. Loves!

And, I kind of like the entire second album from One Republic. Such impressive development of style since their hit "Apologize". Hope they'll produce a smashing third album!

Plus, I'm d/l-ing Spiderman soundtrack right now. Have always meant to do it!

Supernatural is top torrent for DL on the torrent site I always visit. High above House MD, and above How I Met Your Mother and Grey's Anatomy and yada yada. Cool!

And I've been thinking I should try watching Dexter and this other show I've been hearing about, called Mad Men!

Supernatural
Prison Break
Mad Men
Dexter
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Six Feet Under

How How How?!?

So many!

Mr. Uni and I are supposed to be way over man.

One Republic's songs are so power that I always mouth the lyrics like I'm also the lead singer, and I'm sure their songs will totally rock at a karaoke session.

To the third interviewee who's supposed to have sent me answers to my interview questions long ago, I REALLY WANT TO KEEL YOU.

This guy is taking a week to return my interview. A WEEK. He's screwing me over. He can't take much longer now. I hope.

I got a couple more ideas about the Supernatural characters. Which I'll come back to when I have time. Now, I'm not actually supposed to have time.

And it's really bad to have to do editing this week. It throws off the routine of just getting assignments done first. But I'm not the only one in my group, so editing it is.
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Extract of what I'm writing for a Uni report:

[[ In answer to my fifth question, Kan says, "South East Asian independent films have been on an upward trend for the past 6-7 years." In all honesty, I had no idea. I haven't exposed myself to South East Asian independent films in particular, though I have been watching more Singaporean independent shorts. And the truth is, I am not particularly attracted to "South East Asian independent films". That sounds very niche. It is probably very telling that I still watch a lot of Hollywood shows and what not, as opposed to seeking out South East Asian films to watch.

Kan himself has said, "As an impressionable youth, I was influenced by Hollywood and wanted to make films in a similar vein. It took me quite a while to realize my own heritage and learn not to despise it." ]]

Now, don't you think this is a good interview. I still won't watch South East Asian films. Well, I'm more the Eric K / Kelvin T fan type. And I don't despise my own heritage. I'm just trying to be more interested in it.

[[ I know that I'm interested in both 'drama' and the 'drama of life', i.e. real-life fiction. But if I'm no Jean-Luc Godard just yet, I will wait a little while longer before endeavoring to make films for myself… I still need to keep looking for a good starting job, and good people to work with. If I'm still interested in drama, and not necessarily any community-involved drama so to speak, but perhaps a genre film that excites thought and the senses, I think I should still go after my interest in this. Yes, it may seem typically amateurish to still be enamored by the B-grade type genre film, but there's a kind of honesty in a B-grade movie with lots of horrifying garish and exaggerated drama in it. I don't necessarily want lots of blood to be seen, but a drama that doesn't endeavor to tell lies sounds pretty good to me, just because nowadays we know that media images are not exactly honest. So, so long as it's a film that tells the truth without necessarily becoming a social documentary, I will be very much interested in it. ]]

[[ Therefore, right now I will endeavor to watch a lot of films and write about them if I get the chance to continue working with SNMA (abbreviation just so that ppl won't arrive at my blog from snma.sg ^^), and besides of watching them for the drama, I will keep identifying the themes that make the film resonate with me. Films that portray youth for instance, resonate with me quite. Maybe not so much a young generation that is on drugs and completely 'off the rocker', but a young generation that is sort of lost. And actually, I think that the idea of a lost young generation would attract some amount of interest in SG. Just maybe. ]]

And one final thought tonight.

I was just watching an ep from Supernatural, and there was a sex scene. And the episode ended with the actor I like with tears running down his face. An awesome moment (of his acting). And obviously very heartbreaking for his character.

Then I looked through my interview with an industry professional, and this guy said that he was keen on Hollywood when younger and wanted to make films in that kind of style. But now the violence on-screen sickens him, and he says maybe having kids also sobered him up a little. Anyway, he also sounds like he really knows what he's talking about in terms of film and all. I haven't gotten that far yet.

And finally, I got to thinking. What's it like to have sex with somebody you love/like?

This is my blog right. I can say anything I want.

And yes, it's not a taboo topic. I mean, come on. The chain of events above made me think of that.

Alright, let's wrap that up now.

Romanticized ideas of sex as portrayed on screen. Then again, this came about not really only because of what's on screen. But how seductive the images on the television screen are. Don't you think. HA.

Oh and I think, the series Supernatural is milking the good looks of their two actors a little too much. Give them some space, will ya. Lol. Seriously, is it that easy to go to bed with someone? You guys writing/producing the show had better not give me another Sam Winchester sex scene too soon. I'll boil up in my jealousy.

---

I feel like killing the writer of that episode. LOL. Is that in character??? Uh uh. Writers, don't you go about defacing your own characters.

Ah, I read a Youtube comment and got my revelation. It's something called Lust.

For it to all happen in one episode, it's a little bit hard for it to sink in.

That could be a problem with stories that take place one episode at a time.

Right, someone on Youtube made a video about their relationship. Even if it's just for an ep. Interesting. One user comments it's lust, another says there's something more. Ha. How real fiction can be.

Check the video out. Hollywood is badass. Love it and Hate it. Its fantasies can be so ridiculously stupid, but you can't escape it. At least, I can't escape my teenage girl adoration for Supernatural.

I'm going to make my own seductive films in future. And seriously- I'm going to use technical language of film here: the number of close-up shots in this episode is unusually high too. I do love close-ups being put to good use.

And I gotta go.

List of TV Shows I'm now wanting to see!

Supernatural

Prison Break

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Six Feet Under

But I still have so many important films to watch! BAH.

Still time to keep working on Uni first.

------

How am I supposed to concentrate??????

SERIOUSLY!

YAUGH.

Okay I will.

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Now, I'm quite enjoying this business of doing interviews with the film industry professionals.

I'm learning quite a bit! Their answers have been quite fascinating.

I really hate this. But I think I have to do this. And I'm already very hard-pressed for time. So I have to keep on doing this.

And this is just Uni work that I'm talking about.

So let's do this.

Oh, dear God Almighty. Give me strength. Haiz... Perseverance is the word.

Time to persevere and get off my blog and Facebook.

---

This has been part of my reflections for my school work.

" It doesn't make sense to want that kind of rigid routine, but I've come to think that routine makes one better at doing something - just like, practice makes perfect.

It's like how I've written essays for three years, and I know now how not to be depressed when the time comes for sitting at my desk for three whole days in order to write an essay of decent quality. I've learnt that this is the amount of time I need to write something I will not be embarrassed with, and can in fact be happy with for possibly having added something to my ability to think."

"I've learnt to appreciate the act of writing, especially where I'm not forced to race with time in an exam setting. That has never worked out well for me in the past (taking Cambridge 'O' and 'A' level exams), and never will. If I have to sit down and finish writing something, I can do that in my own kitchen (without the distraction of my bed) very well, instead of suffocating in some dull hall with rows of other students making different degrees of the sound of pens scratching paper."

Three years... I've gotten used to this writing of essays, and this Uni life. Since second year, I've been rather fine with it. So, what's next?

If only, there were more time... More time to feel a bond for a place... But on the other hand, it could happen that the more time one gets to know the environment, the more nothing seems interesting... A constantly interesting environment is not easy to find. But I'll go back to where I feel at home.

Okay, so I've gotten into doing the freakin Uni work now. Because there's a video record to jog my memory of seminars I need to blog about. Hehes. Thank God for that!

"You'll be surprised at what you like and what you don't like... The sooner you start doing it, the sooner you'll find what your passion is."

Righteo. I can't keep going on talking about the kind of ideas I like either, I gotta get down to finding the kind of work I can do as an exercise of these 'philosophies' of life.

And today I think,

I just like to find what's hidden.

I realized this when I saw this link about newspaper articles having some of their words blocked out with black marker so that only some words stay, and they sort of form another story. That's so cool.

I so love a game of hide-and-seek. Haha! Right.

I freaking hate the Uni course I have to deal with right now. I just hate it, but I have to. Do this.

Sometimes, I want to be a drummer!

RANDOM THOUGHT of the day!

Enjoy this song. Also a random! I have one other song by Matt Nathanson in my iPod - called Come On Get Higher. One Republic's songs also make me want to become a drummer. All those 'studio' songs lar. They sound more 'fleshed out', and I just love the BOOMZ rhythm of songs sometimes because it's ultra uplifting. Lol.

Uh huh, the song is called 'Wedding Dress'. So the 'romantic' side of me listens to a whole lot of romance songs. And likes Jared Padalecki / Sam Winchester. (And the elder brother Dean is not far behind on my "hot favorite" list at all) And I also like 'Boomz' songs which I can play on my headphones and go take a run along the beach. Wahaha.

And on a side note, I've already found that both the Supernatural actors are recently married!

AHHHHHHH! I decided my fan craziness should belong here for now, and not on Facebook, because I'm trying to keep my activity there low for now. LOL. This is the video I'm watching just before I sleep. I was doing my essay just now... So I deserve this sweet distraction now! Haha... Man, the feeling of being a fan is finally back again. Lol. Last time I remember, it was the Korean boyband DBSK. And now this series has sucked me in, and so has this oh-so-cute and awesome and wonderful actor. Jared Padalecki. =D

Haha. Okayyyyyy. Do you reckon this return of fandom is a healthy sign? I should think so!

Anyway, I do love his 'bitchface' acting, and I've heard this song before, but now I totally like this song all the more.

And well, this blog is usually serious, and so as for this addition, I'm pretty cool with it. :D

I haven't had much necessity to put any 'warring' thoughts down on my blog lately? :o Guess the year's been an easy one without unnecessary conflict within or without! It's all been simple essay writing, simple group work. Quite the usual. Ah, I need to find more, more, more obsessions. Material obsessions? Hmm, perhaps not material obsessions but story obsessions.

Hmm... Now thinking about Media Ethics, and I just kinda thought:

There is no truth, there is only a message.

True of False? Ha.

---

This housemate of mine is ridiculous. He's lazy. He doesn't throw out his thrash. He doesn't have a life. And he's a whiner. Only knows how to whine on the phone, and today I still overhear him on the phone asking some random new 'friend' he made today I reckon, "Do you like Melbourne?" And goes on and on about how he's still considering what to do, goes on and on about his doing his Masters' and what not. How could such a person be doing a Masters' degree. He's scary. He's nuts. And in negative way. Not in a fun way. I've never wanted to tell someone to get a life before, but to this guy, I would. But it's not like I'm going to say that to him. I'm not going to ask for trouble. What kind of housemates have I gotten man. It's very lame. This shared house life in Melbourne - Makes no difference in my life at all.

Gawd. It's just really, really lame.

Kinda wish I had my other female housemate back too. Ah well.

After this, am I never gonna touch the film camera ever again? *shakes head* No.. Who knows. Camera assistant? Advanced diploma in Cinematography? Directing? Editing? Not producing right... Screenwriting?

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And if I could make films, I would make films that get me to not think too much. I wouldn't make films to think more, I would make films to relief myself of all that thinking. Therefore, films that are only all too serious or 'talk' too much don't entice me very much. Unless thought is presented more like a dream, than like an actual thought. A film should just have layers of meaning, I guess... So a viewer can get lost in them.

This is the post that made me led me to think of the above:

http://sindieonly.blogspot.com/2008/04/dreams-from-third-world-by-kan-lume.html

...

Oh and, did I mention that this is a stressful week?

Second, the rough cut for my last student short film is out.

Let's go back to the first point - This should be a STRESSFUL WEEK! Yes, SHOULD BE. So right now, I should be getting out of here! I just have to talk it out a lot when I have stress. And it happens that it makes me feel better to declare it to myself somewhere (well yeah, here) and just leave it at that.

'As a young independent director you are trying to get noticed,' he said. 'The films are often very personal so it might be hard to find an audience in commercial cinemas but screening at this festival, and being accepted for this award, puts you in touch with an audience and with important members of the international film community such as foreign producers.'

From AFP news report - http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Lifestyle/Story/STIStory_589257.html

I came to Melbourne to -not- make personal films... But I guess I'm fine with that!

I have had like two people in my production 'team' each time I made a film in my three years of doing films at RMIT. Seriously. Two people (and that includes me) who have cared to put time into the pre-production preparation instead of helping out at the last minute. The other helpers only really come on the day of shooting itself. Tell me if that doesn't make a difference in terms of the end product!

(>__<)

Sometimes it feels like I may be better off doing some sort of advanced diploma. I'm not complaining! There is seriously a difference here. And like I've said, it's not time for me to be rolling on production yet. I'm trying to find out how. I just work in whichever way I can afford to. My 'resources' aren't that great or anything, but I'm just working in whichever way I am able to.

It's kinda strange how these things happen! It's mostly been Kay and myself... Magic Fingers and Dead House. And for the second film Dead House, we did enroll into the same tutorial and all, so we worked together again. And for this third and final film, there were supposed to be four people. But two of them dropped out of the course. Shit just happens man. Anyway, not all people in the course are necessarily serious about doing a film. To some of them, it's just another course. That can't be helped.

But then it happened again! Two people on the team for my third and final student film. We did all the pre-production work ourselves, and are doing all the post-production work ourselves. Good thing we helped as crew on another team's shoot, and luckily they are kind enough to help us back. My other teammate crewed on other teams' shoots as well, but they have not offered to come crew for us. Well, our production is small (and boy, I come up with script ideas knowing I can't produce anything real big), so the small crew is just right for us as well. But I'm just glad for the people who did come crew for us (which just nice happens to include Kay; Kay and I are on different teams this time becoz she wants to specialize in editing), and it's just great that they aren't 'too busy' like other people and are willing to help us back, you know?

Yah anyway. The film shoot is done now! And I think that is all I wanted to say in this post now. Just glad to be able to be Dir. of Photography for this film.

Actually.. My dream in film is to do drama.. But because drama looks so fake when it's low budget and everything, I'd rather do documentary first! Perhaps documentary would work well as a beginning... But my dream is really to do an aesthetically slick and at the same time full-on mind-blowing drama which will make you go like, "Man, this is larger than life." Lol.

Doing drama doesn't mean I want to do some imaginary, delusional, self-absorbed narrative. Doing drama is all about design. And a vision. And it is rooted in reality. And since no image is necessarily completely truthful anyway, I would think it more interesting to go all the way and do some sort of doco-drama.

And I still think that I'm writing more for now. More of a reviewer. Reviewing the 'trends', reviewing all sorts of films that have been done in past years in Singapore. It's not much, yet this writing and reviewing business leads me to imagine exciting possibilities for what is happening on the film scene in Singapore too. I do enjoy research work on occasion. It's just like what the Winchester brothers do on the Supernatural TV series. Lol. Ah well, that is pretty different really.

"What is obscene is all that is unnecessarily visible, without desire and without effect, all that usurps the so rare and so precious space of appearances."

"How can the image save its singularity in a world entirely turned into image?"

"Can the images, can we, resist the noise, the perpetual rumour of the world, through the silence of the image?"

"In order for the image, for the object, to emerge as such, it has to be put in suspense, in suspense of meaning, in suspense of the tumultuous operation of the world. It must be captured in the single fantastic moment which is the first encounter, the surprising moment, when things are not yet aware that we are here, when they have not yet been arranged by analytical order, when our absence is not yet fading away. But this instance is ephemeral. We should not be present to see it. This is what, in a sense, photographers do, hidden behind their lens, themselves vanishing, themselves having disappeared. For this is the price of making objects appear: the disappearance of the subject."

- Jean Baudrillard, The Violence of the Image and the Violence done to the Image

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Thank you, Baudrillard. That last point was beautiful.