I'm doing a film! My last student film? And that makes me happy. BUT. (Hahaha there's always a but for me) I'm pretty tired today. Camera box so damn heavy. Slept too few hours. Always do when there's a film project. But I feel slightly less than inspired. Shooting day might turn out to be inspiring though. But the challenges and responsibility is there too! I like it, I really do. But sometimes, without talking about all these reasons to get excited, I feel less than inspired. I love working with people on a film. But there are also a few times I keep a little more quiet. And there seems to be less to say. Like a certain song goes. Sometimes, there really isn't much to say. Like with regards to why I do this. I don't know. I'm too existentialist. I really have not much 'meaning' to make out of life. There is no such 'meaning'. Life is life. While I have all this action, I'm happy, and I want more action. But.. Life is still life. Lol. Seriously, my mind has nothing good to go on normally. I'm such a crapper. Lol. Still life.. There's a Chinese film with that title, and it's pretty famous, and the title makes me pretty curious about it. Life is life. Action is action. Happiness is all in one's mindset. And I. -- I want my imagination to run free.

It's weird. Have I come to think that I don't just want to do a film on my own? Because all my favorite films blow me away, but I don't even aspire to follow in their footsteps or anything? Because they're TOO GOOD? If I want to generate some kind of response or feeling, am I going to count on my 'ability' to write then? Is that how I want to generate something different in response to something else?

Am I very hard to please? Why don't too many things amuse me? Even if supposedly I laugh a lot? Laugh out of awkwardness or what.. Lol.. I like to be amused. I want to find my own amusements. I really like life to have a bit of humor. Real humor. Like the humor should come from within a person. Even if with regards to my interests, I'm naturally inclined to DARK stories. :)