I know now. I like mysteries.

Sometimes life loses its mystery. How could that ever happen.

I may seem unrealistic. I may seem to wax lyrical. But what of it. I mean well. I only mean to keep my eyes open, and express all of these feelings, because if I don't do it with my own self, how could I do it otherwise. I am like that. I am forthcoming. I just am. Sometimes words themselves don't even do the trick. And then I shut up, and calm down, and work on doing something instead. But the world is really not enough. Lol. How could we quieten ourselves. We are thinking and feeling beings. Through my outrageous thinking and feeling processes, I am trying to 'do this world and its ever-flowing current of life justice'. Lol. What the fish. Nonsense.

It's a crazy world. Artists don't make it any less crazier. It's just not possible.

How do you want me to be happy? How do you want me to be kind? I can't be happy and I can't be kind all the time. Even though I usually am.

I hope I don't ask for too much. I'm just trying to be me. And I do know how to 'be kind, rewind'. I'm just a little bit crazy, a little bit bored, a little bit of everything. I am already considered a really common person. But if you see something in me, and can accept me for trying to be, (hey it rhymes), pls understand that I occasionally waste time in doing non-productive things like writing something out of nothing on my blog, only because I also wish to talk about things other than everyday life. We are already living it, why would we still create the same then.

Maybe I'm not living enough. Or maybe I believe I've already been living enough according to my everyday standards, and now's the time and here's the place for me to talk about things besides of everyday life. So, there you go.

Perhaps. Perhaps, I am a writer. Perhaps, this is my voice. I am not confident about it. So, will you help me out or not?

Ha.

Is there anything to it?

Help me to make something out of it. Help me to make something out of my life, and this life. Nobody likes to feel like they're doing something on their own. And this - This is the root of my desire to be kind. My desire to find stories. Though life can be a let-down. And life can be so dull. Do you think I'll wish to talk about the dull things though. Talk about something that just goes around like a viral ad? Nope.

I know how I waste time too. Lol. Never keep up with the real world enough. Well, I'll balance the time and manage somehow.

And here's something else about me.

I can be a cry-baby okay. I want to be a cry-baby, I should be allowed to be a cry-baby. Because I'm a young female. Because I'm growing up. Because crying doesn't do anybody harm, and its does a lot of good for females. All females should have the privilege of being a crybaby. Their privilege of having the weapon of tears should be made official. LOL. It helps us to deal with insensitivity from people of the opposite sex who just don't understand. HA.

Maybe insensitivity sometimes pushes me to aim higher. Maybe I even 'belong' in a 'duller' society which is however, still rooted. I'm leaving Melbourne, heading back to Singapore. Even if it's going to be dull, I've had enough of 'all life is just made of days and weeks of pleasure'. (But perhaps, it's still going to be this way. I should learn to pleasure myself more.) Anyway it's time to stop studying. I do need my boundaries. Boundaries advance a person's wish to progress.

I'll lose some things, but I'll gain some. I intend to gain.

I can't do much in a place where it's all about chasing a lifestyle. I need to be where I have developed an understanding. Lifestyle alone - anywhere will do. An understanding - you need the right people for that.

And I'm soooo evil to say this, but having a parent around (here in Melb!) can be kind of distracting. Lol. It's not just me who thinks so right! It's nice to have my own space in Melb. I am thankful to my Dad for providing it. Ha. I will learn to provide for myself best as I can. I will miss this space that I have in Melb! I am lucky to have had this bit of space for myself. When I go back SG, how arh. Make over my room. I can tell someone else everything about my endeavors and all, but really, I suppose that I should be the one to really understand what I'm doing for myself. In terms of job conditions, and in terms of what I even wish to do for myself. According to however much/little I have managed to discover about my area of specialization. And learn to make those choices within that scope. That is all there is to talk about this.

I've always been like that. Liking dramas and films for their imagination. Liking blogging. Being unmotivated about doing things that don't involve my idea of 'fun' - I always thought fan-fiction was the most fun, and that both involves drama and writing. I work on these things. They are more than just 'fun' for me if you can understand what I mean. I'm serious about what I do. I hope I haven't changed.