National Day! Went to the screening event. My guy friend's friend asked me for my number! I had a nice chat with him. But I don't think I like him that way. And I know what I'm talking about. And anyway, I gave him my number, and he's like super quick to add me on Facebook! Sigh. I don't think I have a very happening life. I'm bored like nobody's business sometimes. But the thing is, I know how to occupy myself. And keep my mind amused. And try to keep myself happy. And I am happy whenever I'm with the friends who mean a lot to me. I gather close friends slowly. Can I always rely on this friendship and love from my family? I can right. Are things going to change as time passes by? I'm not the kind of person to change. I have grown much by coming to Melbourne. But I still don't feel motivated to fill my life with material things, and I'm not too social. But I am a good person. And I have the ability to look at this world in different ways. My strength comes from within me. Sometimes, it's hard to be this diligent worker who thinks the only meaning in life is to work hard at doing something I could be good at. Having the ability to create something good doesn't beat having the people relations to get one to some position in life. I'm not social enough. I speak to strangers frequently, you know. And I always come across as this direct and open person. So that is my "confidence". And that is how I leave an "impression". And I do always try to create this kind of circumstances for myself. Get out there, and whatever few people I can get to stick around with me for a chat over a couple of minutes, I bring myself to chat them up to increase my knowledge of the different kinds of people who exist in the world. Haha. Sort of. I am so open, I am like an empty vessel. Sort of like an empty vessel, with a hole at the bottom. Not trying to sound too hopeless. It's just I'm so flexible, things come and go with me. I'm not desperate in a superficial way. Yes, I'm desperate for fulfillment like everyone else. But I just do not believe in finding it easily. I have not found love. However positive I may seem (and it's really not a big deal, I just have to be positive, everyone has to be), I do think that sucks. But the fact is. I have not found love. And I work hard everyday. To give myself fulfillment. To give myself little amusements. To give myself a little bit of happiness from day to day. And I try to spread it around. But I'm just a little different. I observe the ongoings of people around, and I kind of feel like I can't find fulfillment in other things people do. So I watch other people live their lives. And carry out mine so patiently. I'm desperate in my own way. But there's no other way for me to live my life but to concentrate on the small things that matter most to me. I hope to think that I do live big. I have kind of a small and cooped-up world. I take care of myself and everything.

But I have a very big heart. And it's going to help me reign over everything that's putting me down. I live big. I know how I want to live. And it can't really be helped when it gets hard. But I truly want to know what is living. In a very true way.

So I haven't experienced love. But I'll tell you this - I am so open to it. I just haven't felt it. I've come across maybe two guys whom I've felt were good guys. And others I make friends with. It should be perfectly alright to stay as friends with guys okay. My housemate so agrees with me. (But we're the more tomboyish girls then, I reckon) I'm not like a girl who only wants a guy as an escort, or just someone to stick close to. There is something called enjoying good company. And if it's not yet love, there is still many-a-thing to appreciate about good company. It drives the occasional loneliness away too. If you ask me, someone sincere to talk to is one of the most important things that helps drive away true loneliness. Then that loneliness can surface for a while and be gotten rid of, instead of staying deeply buried.

What do I think of National Day? Same structure as always. I skipped the past few years, and this year I make an attempt to watch it, and I can't say anything's changed or that it's very interesting!

But I do like the singing!

Ciao!

(Yes, I'm blogging again! Woohoo! I'm trying to put my understanding into words again! This is going to be good right? I will be more clear about the person that I am right? Hopefully, this is going to make my days feel more wholesome and my actions well-understood and worthwhile!)