I wrote a note to a friend on Facebook, sharing some of the thoughts/feelings I've had.

I wanna keep note of them here!

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I read the Alfian Saat story! Wanted to write you a note.. I'm packing stuff to ship home halfway, and I wanna get back to it, so I'd make this a quick note :P (A/N: Yah.. I lied. I always lie about the length of these notes of mine ^^)

1. In the short story, it feels like he wrote one of my daily night-time experiences! Looking out the window of my that 5 room HDB home in Singapore, and noticing the window on the right side of the block stays lit till quite late in the night like my own!

2. He wrote about his mother yeah... Personal touch much? Think his stories read like they're quite auto-biographical... But I know from his Facebk wall that him and his mum seem like a funny pair.. Haha.. But I just think the mode of his stories read like they're half auto-biographical..

3. I don't seem to want to write like half auto-biographical stuff myself for the moment! Any authors you like to learn the style of writing from? Some people think in order to learn how to write, we should write like the authors we like. But that would seem unoriginal..

4. I'm still really into fiction drama type things. Like packing real life stories into one drama. I even like docudramas. I think they can be lovely! Like knowing how in making a film, you're never totally honest, but still I think that kind of dishonesty can be made honest. :P Like some famous guy said before that art is a lie that aims to tell the truth? =p

5. I like reading local fiction / watching local films on an alternate basis. Singapore stories have a lot of soap drama, but they can really get us to connect with the 'heart' of the stories sometimes. So glad you're into local fiction!

Well, I was packing right. And I came across my old stuff, some of the stuff my mum gave to me. They're outdated already.. It's weird, but I have like a mini Prada bagpack and some old necklaces my mum gave me. Yeah, that sort of stuff which would seem a little antique. The Prada bagpack actually does look sort of antique to me! It's pretty good and simple, not like something a Guess bag would look like.

Anyway. Looking at those stuff - It feels kinda disconnected. It's like those stuff can't be bought in shopping centres today kind of feeling. Like "what is these stuff doing in my cupboard at all?" kind of feeling. Of course, I still keep the stuff. But it's not like they have any 'real' practical purpose for me anymore, not like I actually use those stuff. Those stuff are kept for another reason, I reckon. Sentimental much?

Can't really say so.. But I just thought, looking at those little stuff, they look like they're from another era.

I don't know how to sentimentalize about my mum. I won't see her anymore. It just feels weird... I haven't even been exactly fillial enough to have had one proper dream of her. But I remember one small one. Which wasn't full-on sentimental either, it was just a small glimpse of her I guess.

How does one even think of a mum who has gone away?

That's why for now, I won't even really try to write about my mum, my life in brief or what not. Some people 'create' little fiction stories every minute of their lives. Like microblogging. But I rather work on the 'big' thoughts, instead of rushing to create every little thing. I don't know... I guess I believe that this thing called realization or whatever it's called... It grows with one... Nowadays everyone can be a writer what not, don't you think. But I really just think that not all of the time, one can write something that really captures what a person is like?

Maybe it's because I've done film projects, I realize that working with whatever people and resources you have at the moment is the best thing one can do. But, it still is very important to keep working on one's 'big personal story', sort of.

When a person is able to create stuff that is connected with oneself, instead of doing it for commercial purposes or for the purpose of riding the cultural wave of the moment (lol), I think that's when an author is born. :P An author who knows how to write about what's human perhaps.

I've been wanting to check out my old photos and home videos when I get back to Sg! My brother did that before me... Maybe now I should finally take that 'memory trip' too! Those old videos will probably be damn good and amusing to look at.

And maybe if there's one short fiction about me I could write right now, it would be about how I was just thinking the other night, how I came to see why my definition of education is not restricted to grades and school at all.

It randomly came to me, you know... Scene at the Tan Tock Seng or something.. My dad and bro and me sitting with the doctor.. I don't like the doctor at all.. She said some stuff about my mother being sick, and I remember the scene and all.. Whatever she said just seemed like little, little details.. When what's more serious is that my family had to cope right.. And I was just at that kind of age.. Not knowing how meds could make a person have mood swings.. And my mum certainly had mood swings alright.. Now I'm watching shows and what not, and in those shows, they talk about how meds cause mood swings..

And it's funny.. I never got 'educated' that meds cause a person to become sick like that.. I was not mature enough at the age, and I wonder why I couldn't have learnt to see how cancer and meds have be dealt with in a more caring way.. Guess I think I could have done more.. I was just such a kid, and it was over all too soon..

And all that time, I only had the silly O and A levels to bother myself with... Why can't our parents explain these things more to us, you think? These things which are definitely so much more important than the O and A levels.

Now, I'm randomly thinking of Supernatural. Hah. Because it also has a Dad in the story, who was trying to do the best for his kids and all, but he tells them way too much. It's a great drama. Lol.

Hope you don't mind I'm dumping my little 'epiphany' here! Why I am fed up with the so-called 'education' I received in Singapore. Even though I met really fun people like you guys in MI. :D

Have you ever thought about any of the above?

Why in the world do so many people get sick in Singapore? Why do so many people there lose the fight to sickness? What's with all that stupid stress, and tiny little spaces that all the people in Singapore get caught up in. The domestic tragedy in Sg is just so hard to believe sometimes.